Sunday, December 24, 2006

Religion, My Present Decision

Dear acquaintance,
Now to the main issue; I had not wanted to tell you this on the phone or by text as I am sure you wont understand or may be, might not want to go with it, which will be normal. But to be point blank, I have made a decision to stop going to church for now (I know you're in shock and disblief). This is a hard decision of course, owing to how far I have gone through it all 27 years that I have lived. But it is essential that I do it since it is a personal conviction. I have battled with this decision for close to or about 4 years now and I know that the best thing would be to just do it and be true to myself. It does not stop me from acknowledging the existence of God but from attenuating to a religion. I have problems with religion, because I do not any more assent to any of them. I have come to the understanding that God isn’t religious and can not be claimed through it. Now this is a broad issue if I should go on, but yes, I have had the problem of cutting off because I am so used to the church and especially church music which I still play and it remains my best music; and who wouldn’t be? Almost having grown up in the church, practiced it and abided by its tenets, I could even pass for what one can call a church boy and if only that’s a ticket to go to heaven (wherever it is). So in the past 4 years, I have tried to evaluate religion and how and why each thinks they are best. I have also tried to examine the foundations of religions and how they operate. With many things I have seen in them, especially in the one I have spent my whole life in, having been quite deep in it, I can say, at least for now, that it really does not make the actual sense – Actual Sense; is another big case.

I do appreciate my late mother for mapping a foundation for me through religion, but at this level I wish to live my life and not the one my mother planned (may be) by choosing a religion for me – obviously just fulfilling her parental role anyway. Well, the church isn’t where God lives nor the only place God can be found, and my understanding of God is no more of a person sitting up somewhere counting every step I take but a FORCE that is above all others and accentuates to each creature. It is a tree to a tree and a man to a man. In a short stating from my view, God is a fact but not a figure.

In the past year especially, what has kept me going back was to sing those hymns. They are gorgeous, mostly filled with words you can purely see were not written out of human intelligence. So I am not banning myself from entering into a church but I am banning myself from a routine of going to church or feeling an allegiance to her. At the moment, I cannot claim to be a Christian nor belong to any religion and thus, I am just a Godian – might not make sense but may be I will find a human word soon or sometime in the future that well defines that, so in a nutshell, I just mean, I worship only God and God alone. I will go into a church when I feel like or into a mosque or a temple or anywhere, but not because I want to find God there because I know that he is everywhere and always with me.

I do hope you understand what I am saying, acquaintance. I have worked and struggled the past 4 years to arrive at this decision comparing many things to others and trying to find a balance and sense in most of them. I have ploughed through things and I have come to know that God is there for those who obviously seek. And God is great, above all. Regardless of what a man invents or claims to know, it is usually and always lopsided to suit the ways of man. All allegiance claimed to be commanded for God is nothing but shams. What I find so difficult is where those who found religions plucked their authorities from and what makes them think they are right and better than others and to think that their decisions are best to control others. I once asked my vicar a question about the missing books of the Bible, he told me that “those” who compiled the book decided that the missing books were not genuine enough. And I have always wondered what authority or better intuition they had to know what is best for generations unborn and to have come up with what we read today in the name of holy books all of them included from all the religions. But no work apart from creatures, are God-made, so all other inventions have that human imperfection and dent.

So in the short and long run, I need to stay and see this side of life. A life not pledged to any routine of religion. I will miss it a lot and I am already, but com’on, life is about getting used to things. I will support the church if I need to. I will accept what is right from it and I will still love to be an Anglican having got all what I knew from it. Rather in the overall issue, I owe my life only to God and It is him alone I can link to and not another man. I long for an impartial world, where men will not tie themselves to religion and over ride the emotions and lives of others claiming they, and only they know The way. It is absolutely wrong and an elusive cleverness.
My dear acquaintance, what religion have failed to do is to make people aware of God and leave them to make a connection; instead religion has insisted on how human can relate with God therefore making a whole sect and bunch of paranoid people who does not think over issues but accepts it just as it has been said and ready to fight and kill others for it. But God is much more complex and simple than those flimsy wicked fanaticism.

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