2005 A.D.

Well it all began 365 days ago, hopes were high, expectations optimistic and promises were made to both self and others - the so-called 'new year's resolutions', et al. So many night and days have come and gone since then, now its time to check and take stock. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and here we are again; on the threshold of another beginning, ready to count, set to make new decisions, charged with fresh expectations and what have you. But along this line, most will forget to ask themselves how achievable their plans are, how serious will they be with achieving it.

For me, am not a great fan of goals. I do achieve the things I have to, but due to my extreme spiritualism with God, I do not so much believe in telling myself that I will achieve. It is somehow very mad, but I know it works for me and I am happy. Due to my belief of one day at a time, I do always believe that God is the one who has plan for me and; bother not, I do. In January 2004, I never had one inclination that I will be in the UK by May of that year , not to say of getting back to studies. I wasn't pessimistic either of going back to school, but then I wasnt having it on any agenda although I can say there was no agenda though. So it came and it was done.

My person is rather too relaxed about itself. I barely worry (but as human, I still got my worry bit). I am at ease most times, happy and getting on. For me, what consist of achievement to me is to see how much, though in a very seemingly insignificant approach, I help others. My long term objectives has always been to bring smiles to faces, to share what I know and have. In this regard, I practically and usually give my time in pursuance of achieving things for my friends or mates neglecting those things others may see as gains for themselves. I have the optimal believe that the more happier I make others feel the more happier I am. I can easily give up earning a penny just to help a friend, even a stranger, to run an errand. My gains: happiness that someone's goal was achieved and made him/her happy. In that regard, I barely have time to rest or sit down. At every point, I have someone somewhere to do something for.

So at the long run, I can look back at 2005 and be very happy that I helped in so many things with both friends, acquaintances, strangers, relatives, etc. My most highest achievement in 2005 was in helping at SCOPE the charity for people with cerebral palsy. I enjoyed everyday I worked at SCOPE and it makes me feel very fulfilled. Even though I have to achieve it among a very tight schedule, I still enjoy every bit of the hurry that accompanies it. Today and now, I am feeling I have to do more and that SCOPE isnt enough for me. I want my impact to be felt and I want to leave a legacy. A legacy that life is worth nothing hoarding to ourselves.

Life is a passing wind. You have to make others feel your presence. That I believe strongly and strive everyday to achieve. Here comes 2006, my 27th year in this terrace of misery, where nothing but self is held in high esteem. Where some usurp the right to big brotherliness on the weak. Where riches are accumulated for generations yet unborn while many languish in abject poverty. What you do with your wealth matters a lot. If we can share, we will be in a more peaceful world; yes, we SURELY will be.

So dear reader, as you make up your mind for the things to achieve in the coming year, whether feasible or not, do not fail to include others in your scheme. No man is an island, and even if you happen to be, no island is alive without inhabitants. Share what you own. A little smile given will go a long way to making someone less depressed. A penny given to a charity will do so much in relieving poverty in a life. An insignificant care and attention given to a stranger, will be remembered in years ahead though you may not know. You may not have achieve the whole of your wish for the disappearing year, but you can be happy that you are still alive. And as such, still have time to make amends. To try again. So dont give up. Many have acquired a degree at over 60, many have built a house at the last years, some got a child at last, many got married when they thought it no more possible. Riches has been made at the very end of optimism, money had flowed in through the most tight avenues ever neglected. It has happened, it can happen again, but only if you dont give up. Just give it a try. If only you ask the man that invented the electric bulb, then you will know you haven't tried enough.

As we step into another year, let your hopes be high but let your worries diminish. And beware where you put the high hopes too. Never in yourself please. As for me, its a complete new sailing. I am in a wonderful life now. With the best of persons in my life now, I can be rest assured not to fret, nor whimper. Ahead of me are the best of days and with much trust that it will go into years and on and on. So be it. Amen.

What I will like to be

Well, today; or say yesterday, the time just changed the date now. Anyway, thats it. I gave a thought for the first time in my life on what I would like to be if not a human being. Crazy thinking, isnt it? Naaaah! It is NOT. Sometime we need to think though in this type of situation, we can only think and assume, it makes no difference, its all useless thinking, yet it gives a sort of comfort and the fantasy is relaxing. Wishes...

Ok, that said, I just for the first time gave a thought to one question I have always heard but never had an answer. The lack of answer is not as a result of my daftness, but rather due to what I explain above that an answer wouldnt make any difference. So when thinking today, I thought my lack of answer has rather been influenced by my disposal to the options usually given to the questions in most cases it has been asked. And they never match my sentimented psyche to accept. mhhh!

If you were to be an animal, what would you like to be? (Usually) A dog or a cat? That's the option that the above question usually always have. And both I wont like to be added to the fact that I wont keep either as a pet

Repulsive. I dont want to be any. I am not friend to either. So i prefere to be human. And that has always been it. But today, I just realized I had always wished to be something else if I am not human. A Dove/Pigeon. Yes, a bird; that's what I will like to be. A bird. Free to relocate, able to relax.

The pigeon has no care in the world. It is a very peaceful animal, nothing to worry about ( not totally anyway cos of those of you who like to eat pigeon), no disturbance to those who comes its ways. It has trust for every body and everything. If you open your hands to it, it flies and sits in without any harm. It has no suspicion, neither has it got to worry about being killed (In africa they do worry though). But that is naturally a pigeion. It can sleep at different location at different times. It can move from country to country, region to region, etc. How much I envy the pigeon (and most of other bird except the domestic fowl though). How much I wish I am one. Able to go where I want to when I want to. And look at the world from above having no trouble to land. But here I am, clothed with this implicating flesh, among humans. Swimming in an unending troubled life, Never knowing the end.

Being who I am as a person, I think thats the best relaxing thing I can be. Because I hate to be subjected to some crazy thought. I am controversial in nature. Very genuine and original and never believing in some or almost most existing man made theory unless they make sense to me meaning I must questioning their claim of authenticity. Yet in all that, I cannot run away from human perjury. The belief that makes many of us accept the things we met in this world without question. The order that kept us hostage in a world that we should own equal. Let me ask someone, if we were made of one MAKER, why do some people control others? A simple illustration will be in the form of a household setting. If you have (had) a sibbling, does he (or she) has (had) more right in the house than you assuming both (or all) of you were of the same parents? I think NO. And if the answer is YES, then you must agree with me your parents were partial or you dont care. So it is for this world. We are supposed to be equal but some are claiming more right than others and subjecting us to their own thought as pure and whatever. Why not? If I were a bird, I will be as free as the air. Not even my parents will control me. I wont have uncles nor cousins, niether tied to some inexplicable relationship, whether marriage or partnership. But that I am man, these things I can not run away from.

We live together in the world and so our life is hinged on others' life. No man can live all by himself. Think of it, if you can manufacture your own clothes, cn you produce fruit & fibre? If you can build your own car, can you write your own software? etc. So we need ourselves to survive right from the begining of it all. Human are the only mammal with the longest parental care and thus dependability is very much a part of life to us. With dependability comes restriction, with restriction comes laws, and thus comes enforcement, etc. Therefore the barriers are insummountable.

As a bird, I would have been able to fly over and see peoples' secret (not that I wish) and still dont bother. I will see the criminal and also not worry; and so many other things. What a freedom that would have been. But why murmuring? Why worry about it. I am not one and I appreciate what I am. A friend of mine will say to me, 'I know that even if I call you shit you will still not complain',and so, like he said, I dont complain being human. That is what I happened to be.

Come to think of it by the way, not I, nor anyone I know was consulted before being made on what we would like to be, where to be born, how to be born, who to born us, etc. In that case, where we find ourselves, we must accept. Its only a pity that some are born into afluency, wealth, comfort, etc; while some are born into loneliness, lack, etc. Some are born with both parents on the side and making him learn 'mama & papa' at the same time, others are born with no parents staying around to stretch forth their hands for the first steps. The worst is when people maltreat, disregard or taunt one because he (or she) was born out of wedlock. They call him bastard, trample him, almost always not recognize him; but then it wasnt his fault. If he had a choice, woudl he have agreed to be born into such riddicle? But God who makes man, sends us to where he deems fit. Some are born handsome in a poor home, others are born ugly in a rich house. Some are born intelligent and clever as bastards, most are born daft and foolish in wedlock. Irony; isn't it? Whatever as human you are, you must remember that you are not better than the other. Because when naked, you are the same image and object. Conditions are temporary.

A bird is better because no taunting, nor harrassment, nor speech will remind it how wretched its life is. Equality is the life they live. So, if I can apply to change to something else. I will apply to be a BIRD. FREEDOM. And live without a care in the world.

But dont be decieved. Life isnt fre; not even for a bird. Life is a struggle. Both to man and tree alike. Of course, the bird may appear to be at ease, but it still got its own haters. Man of course as well as among its own kind. The eagles and hawks which goes as far as attacking the 'supposed satan incarnate' called snake, and even the fishes of the ocean. Yet in all these, birds seems to me to be more benefited than human. If for nothing, for the freedom of movement... forget what they move into though.

I like people. In fact, permit me to say, I love people. I live by them. They make up my life. Their creativity is astounding, their invention competitive. Human seems to be modifying God's creation. Obviously so to say, if GODic position could be contested, a lot of people would have raised armies of hooligans to chase whoever occupies it out every morning. But thank God for God. Well though, my dislike of human life stems from human itself. So many laws, so much controls.It does make me feel constrained. And the annoying thing is that most of these 'righteous' laws were made to suit some, made to impose what some think in their head is right on others. I mean; what right has another human to tell another how to have sex or who to have it with? That's one of the very most irritating righteousness I know in this world. On that issue, I will comment a bit here that the right thing, (not just because I think so, but for fairness' sake) is to let people have sex with whom they want to so long as both are in agreement and not one is decieving the other. And that one must be within a good range in age to the other so as not be be intimidated. Well, having said that, there are many other obnosious laws man has imposed on man. Talk of the laws of marriage, of parenthood, of education, so many. Why should anybody insist that somebody must be of a particular religion to be accepted? Or that his own religion is the best and only sure way to reach God? etc, etc.

Now talking of religion, I belong to one, but am not religious; am rather spiritual. For me, all these struggle is aimed at one thing: to reverence and acknowledge the power that is behind all this vast nature. The way you choose to achieve that, from my own point of view and generally for fairness, is upto you so long as your style does not in anyway impose on my person and the things I do. By the way, these so-called religions and their righteousness were all invented by a human. It is appreciated but its inflictions are far too in excess. Am only sorry for those who cant take decisions due to it. May God help you all.

Anyway, that is that and I wish you understand. I am very open to anything you like to say about this blog because I dont care a damn about what you say though I may think about it but the probability that it changes the way I think is almost not existing. Fear not! I do take advice but only and mainly when it is given in humility and with respect. Talking of respect, I am a freak for it. I have separated and destroyed agreements just because respect for persons were missing. Ask me how. I bet you wont cos you are not foolish. Now that is the BIRD in me.

And back to this bird business wish. Have you ever thought of how many secrets birds see? Just imagine how they fly and rest on your window sill? Looking at you do those naughty things every body does and still look like they never did... Sometimes most people even appear as if they cannot apply style to it. Wao! Crazy! Sure, they do but then they claim innocense a lot, you cant conjure their image of bad good things. Heheheheeh... Just like me. I bet 95% of ordinary people almost believe I cannot do certain bad good things... i like that so much. Of course, they are right. I probably might not or have not or do not or seems not... and every other NOT you and them can think of. But fact is that I cannot tell you if I do or NOT (again: NOT). But thats the whole rubbish about this man human and its lifestyle. MORALS they call it. Indeed.

So there goes it. The conclusion of the matter is only for man to fear God and accept who he is; mere mortal whose end he knows not. While for me, if there is a second life (well, that is this one is not a third, fourth, or even 100th), then I will prefer to be a Dove. I think I have told you why. Cheers