The Beginning

Inside every thing that once began, there are many beginnings and endings. Even inside the beginnings and endings that is inside the beginning that is yet to end, there are loads of beginnings and endings. Sort of circles inside circles; and that is life.

Today, I have decided to make public a thought which has been going on in me for some time. And as my friends read this, I will hope they tolerate it and only discuss it (if they wish) not to counter it (hope someone understand what I mean). This thought is not one to conclude in a giffy. It is not one to cut the curtains off to reveal the stage for. It is not one that can be rushed. So the whole things means that I am in a process. And like all processes go, mostly referred to as research, or examining, mine is going through examinings. This examining is not that formal or so huge, only observations rather. Anyway, so goes it. And like i am very much aware, many of you will be very surprised to hear what it is I am in the process of doing, but by reading this bit, you wont be as much shocked as you would have been. It will work if at the end my observations prove that I should take the step. In a nutshell, I would say that this process does not interprete to mean that I MUST do it; its only a process. Most researches/observation end in decision and those decision do not turn to be the ones their researches were set up to achieve. But better still, that is the whole reason of setting up research - to make sure that the right decision(s) is/are made.

Having said that above, may I implore you to read this with open mind and never label me something yet till I come out with exactly what the observation yields. By the way, it will be very improtant to mention that this observation/research is going to take a long time. At the moment, I cannot give the actuall number or years or months, but I am sure it MIGHT take many years (in prospect).

Also may I mention that DECISIONS ARE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO CONCLUDE BUT EASY FOR ME TO TAKE.

Someone is reeling in great confusion what that means... (hahahahaaaa), dont go mad yet, I can explain; but only if you ask; meaning you dont understand it. Well....

Ok. Enough of this hopping, lets get to business. My next move is to renounce Christianity. I can see someone wondering. But yes, that is truth. Only that I am still observing and hoping my observations will support that; and if it doesnt, well. While I say this, be very much aware that it does not in any way make me a potential fellower of your own religion. The whole case is that I am hoping not to belong to any religion. It also does not make me an atheist; NO. I do and still believe that there is GOD (if you read my previous writings, you will understand what I mean by God. It is a power higher than any existence and thus human's language for it is GOD). I believe there is a hgiher power responsible for our existence and thus I do respect and worship it. But I am in the confusion about the legitimacy of all these religions. Knowing that they were created by man and man by himself. Thus I think that worshipping this God should be a thing of personal understanding and belief and not by routine of a theory made by someone as it suits them. In my life, I have come to see and understand that God deals with each person according to His (her - I dont really think God has gender, but for this context. lets retain HIM for HER) decision. He bless those who dont identify with religion and also punish them. He does same to religionIST like us too. This goes a long way to say that He is not a partial God and does not deal with us because we go to church or temple. He only handles us according to our frailty. In that light, and questioning what basis this religions sprout, I thus find it difficult to think that my onw personal understanding of God, as modest as I can make it, is wrong because one of the men who lived long ago was so wise to corner others into accepting what he thinks as the main thing. This portrays man's ever indwelling inferiority complex. Majority of men would raise their flag today for any single brave man who stands up and before you know it, it becomes a religion. If you doubt me, think of Osama bin Laden. Today he has followers most of whom are ready to die and never questioning why he dont die for that cause. Most of them havent set eyes on him nor hear his voice in real. Yet they are ready to do whatever some link said to them Osama wants. The little kids denying themselves life and blowing up everyday on the streets, in the restaurants, in buses, trains, etc; will all lay a claim to Osama one way or the other. And thus was religion. Someone wakes up somewhere and claims he has a vision, to kill or to maim, to preach peace or to cause happiness, etc and the whole crowd follows. You can find out and read about the great faction OPUS DEI in the catholic church. It was started by one man. And today, it is a great group. Had it wanted to create a stand-alone belief away from the Catholic Church, it would have successfully done so. And thus it goes on.

I do not counter any of these people and what they want. But my own case is that these men in their individuality, have a personal encounter within themselves and what they think had an effect in what they do. And so has every single individual. There is something in you that makes you differeent. No two people are the same and so no two people should have exactly the same belief. This can be understood by looking at drivers driving cars past a particular point in a road. If you are very observant, you will agree with me that the do not keep thier hands on the steering the same. But hey, the difference is almost invisible. Same goes everything.

I may sound to be justifying myself, but of course, what else am I suppose to do if not to have a justification to what I think. Relgion is good but it is too stereotyped. A situation where people think that you must give your money to certain things to be justified; a situation where people think that you must not eat certain things to be upheld; a stuation where people think that you must be at some place in a particular time to prove yourself; and so on. Those are dictatorship. It is tyranny. Whereas these God we want to worship in the pre-set style of these religion has given us freedom to sleep when we want and eat when we wish. He has given us freedom to take the sun when we want or be out of it at our own time. Yet man in his way want to dictate to each other what, when, how and where to do certain things to earn Go'd approval. The result of that today is HATE. The world is in total despair, fear, disagreement, chaos, etc because of the wish to satisfy the set style of religion. While if you think of it, you get along with anybody when you dont know their religion nor them yours. You get along with others when you are virtual friends over the internet and not knowing his or her colour, his sleeping style or her earnings. Thus purely, it is based on the fact that you both are human (equal) and while knowing that there is differences, you are still able to aid each other without rancour. But when you get to know religions, then starts the differences taking priority than the similarities. Poor life

Well, for now, that is it. I will work to be a single mind relating to God in the way He relate to me. When I pray to him with my eyes open, he still hears me the same way he listens when my eyes were closes. He does so when I kneel or stand. Even when I talk to him while taking my bath, He hears as if I was in a specially made house to call Him. He answers me when I only says a word the same way He answers when I take the whole day to talk to Him. He knows I am not perfect when I am being wicked as well as He knows my imperfection when I am doing the best charity. So HE does not really take me for what I do but for what He is - a merciful God. While respecting all the early men who by way of religion try to draw people to Him, I must also say that their fault is that of dictatorship over human kind and judging us based on their own thought of God.

Beware, I am not perfect, I am not righteous. I am as naughty as you if not worst. But then I try to be good by being good. Well.... today is sunday and unlike myself I didnt go to church, but its not because of what I have written above but just that I couldnt make it today. Adn when I dont, I dont feel so good. I am used to the church especially the choir. I like singing those songs. And if my process goes to exactly what I want, I will still support them in anyway I can because singing is my life since I was born and I find it difficult to stay away from it. It makes me happy to sing and listen to it and so, I will find it difficult to .....

So this is the BEGINNING of the process, the END, we cannot tell for now.

Your comments and criticism is very much welcomed. Cheers

A New Day, A New World, A New Beginning

For those of us in England at this time, it is a new phase of life for us again. It is a time when the powers that be; the self-made righteous powers of God, the ones who dictate what happens to others - their fellow human being for that matter, - the ones who dictates to God (if at all they truly believe in Him), how He SHOULD have made the world. I mean, this ones, called the leaders (no; I call them dictators) of the world, control all of us in the world even those that believe in them by a laid out oppression. And I am talking of the governments of these world. Well, tomorrow, the 5th of December, in this year 2005, the regulators of mankind has decided to obey nature at last and become more generous. And now, gay people can live their life upholded by the laws. Congrats government. We are grateful.

Now someone could be wondering why the whole description above. But thats not really what I set out to write. My original write-up will still follow. If you need to get more definition of human oppression to human, lets talk about that some other times. They have advantages and disadvantages. But I think, that in preventing the disadvantage, the advantages has become too minimal that it almost not exist. Ther you go....

Anyway, what with the new law? What happens? Where do we go from here. It makes me laugh. With the celebrating introduction, so will follow the devorces or separation. the heartbreaks or the suicide, the rejection or the regrets; so many things. Why do I whine? Why do I care? What's my business in it? Lucky me I am not getting married nor has someone to get married to. Good I am not among the many that will rush head long into the oncoming trouble. Oh... I can feel the many unreasonable union that will take place starting from 21st December, 2005. That's the date the first batch will walk down the many court room in a hurry and get tied loosely. Oh my God! Dont take me as a prophet of doom. But this is true. You will notice it if you mark time with me.

I mean, for those that has partners to walk down to get tied with, I think few have good decision and many are just rushing into it. Most dont even understand what it means to say I do. Few understood what it means to really own and share what they and the other own. It is a complicated life ahead. Many will fall into it like stone thrown into mud. Most are just captured by the whole noise and glamour of it, the entire celebrated intoning into the law. And thus many are rushing as if led by the nose into a big trouble they will find out more quickly than they would have, how much they dont love the other person. And that is life and the rushes of it.

Anyway, lets keep our fingers crossed and pray that as many give notice of their partnership tomorrow, they will also give themselves notice of abiding by each other in riches or in poverty, in sickness or in wealth, in sorrow or in joy, and as particularly in regard to gays, in handsome now and in ugly as old age set in, hahahahaaaa.... It is really a thing of joy that it happened at last. That this opportunity is there for our fellow human beings and brothers and friends, that we all can celebrate the unique life that God has given us. The beauty of the varieties in God's creation. To hell with the Presidents Mugabe of Zimbabwe, Museveni of Uganda, Nujoma of Namibia, Obasanjo of Nigeria and many of them whose foolishness denied them being there when God was making His plan of creating human and how HE (God) wanted to make them. I think that's where these dictators and oppressors should have made their opinion made and tell the maker of mankind that He isn't making the right thing or that He shouldn't do it. But no, they weren't. and today they have the gut to call their fellow human being all sorts of name with their perverted minds. Tehy should tell me how they got more natural right than any gay or lesbian person. How they are more useful than any or how they are more wise than the creator to tell us what is unnatural and what isn't. Read their degrading comments below as published by and in The Times:

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
President Mugabe of Zimbabwe
“It (homosexuality)
degrades human dignity. It is unnatural and there is no question ever of
allowing these people to behave worse than dogs and pigs.”

President Museveni of Uganda
“Look for homosexuals, lock them up and charge them . . .
God created Adam and Eve. I did not see God creating man and man”

President Nujoma of Namibia
“See to it that there are no criminals, gays and lesbians in your villages and regions”

President Obasanjo of Nigeria
“Such a tendency is clearly un-Biblical, unnatural and definitely un-African”

(source: Timesonline)

Expression as the ones above are foolish and
self-righteous. But as the new dawn open for gays in the United Kingdom as
had
happened in some few other countries of the world, let everyone who
isn't
self-righteous, foolish nor full of themselves join to celebrate this
freedom
and work in every little measure that all mankind will be free from
man made
laws. which deny human being their natural life and others.

As it
happens from tomorrow, I pray that those who indicate
their choice to be
together have love to keep them together as thier life
lasts. Amen.

Death

I am just about to go to bed. I have spoken to a good friend whom I just met a few days ago. He appears to be a good person and well, everybody is a good person just in their own way. To me, our right to label people good or bad are not so much than our right to say who we are. Right or wrong are mostly relative in definition. But that dont spell that thievery is good more than is alms giving bad.. sorta (like the present under 20s will say).

Anyway, my friend whom I have just had a nice friendly chat with, just the ordinary things not mainly any theology or psychocolgy, neither did we discuss politics nor human existence; just simple matter; only that it is his birthday today. And then he said he is going to bed. Good night we wished each other. Then something clicked in my ever clickable head (beware not with a mouse). And I thought and reflected on the events of the past week as related to me coupled with the fact that I am reading some newspaper online on the sudden death of the wife of my country's president, then I thought of DEATH. Oh my! I can see you shaking... sorry, i dont mean to frighten you.

Yeah, Death. The twin brother of Life. Or better put, the other relay team member in their race. It is very inevitable. Last weekend (22nd & 23rd October), in my country, a plane crash was the transaction means of Death buying over 117 lives. First of all, it sounded like any other news. Iraq, Egypt, India, Pakistan, New Orleans, etc, where death claims and has continue to claim lives everyday through various means that we have got so used to tuning ON our TVs to listen to the NEWS of these. We sort of have gotten used to it. And it thus no longer cause any effect on us. And so it is to many. But then, dont we feel it if one of our dearest is one of the commodities that Death buys in that form? Do we not fight and raise our hands against Bush and Blair (now that actually tells me what these 2 names represents - BULLIES) that their invasion of Iraq is bad. I think if any or either of them has lost a son or daughter in those disorder, they will also know how it feels to loose to Death. But thats not my problem for now.

I am talking of Death as regards to myself. While I said good night to my friend, and then remembered that in the air craxh, my boss that I worked with in my last job in Nigeria was a victim - the news of his death hit me hard and in a flash of time, I was so sick I couldnt bring myself to take my bath not to talk of go to college nor even leave the room, niether did I take my breakfast, or my medication, then I rememebered that Death is no respecter of man. It doesnt respect privacy nor does it regard position. Worst of all, it over rides age and snubs responsibility. Look at those children on the TV who became orphans in the twinkle of an eye; imagine those men and women made childless within a transition of cloud, then you know that death has no observance of who or what one is.

On Sunday the last day of October (31st), we had a Remembrance Service for our loved ones who had heeded Death; while the church service went on, what baffled me was the names called out in remebrance. Usually, I will break down and cry at the mention of my dear mim's name, but then there were so many names. When I heard her lovely name, I shivered and then noted that she is just ONE of them. There must have been hundreds of names. I didnt weep this time. I only thought one thing: 'my name will be easily mentioned in that fashion'. The whole emptiness of life shone before my sight. 'It is like that', said something within me.

When I go to bed today, it might be the end. It might be Death's transaction means when I board the next bus tomorrow, Today I am saying good night, how sure am i that i will say good morning following it? What makes me think I have right to life when there is something that has more right to me as a baton in a relay race than i have to my food in the fridge. Death lurks around and does what it wants when it feels like. No one can blame the dead as much as no one can blame the infant baby born. And this 2 clearly spells out to us that our right to our life is as limited as the existence of the piece of furniture in our house. We are not consulted on when to be born, where to be born, how to be born and who to born us. So also one is not consulted on how to die, when to die or where to die. Both occurs when they deem fit. Thus telling us that it can be anywhere, anytime, anyhow. And so, I am not worried at dying, I am only worried that I might not be able to say good bye to all I will wish to say good bye to.

My friends, if you call me and I dont pick your call over a time, that may be tolerated, but if you send a text and I dont reply in 48 hours, then know 2 things: I have lost my phone or I am dead. But then, I can do all within my power to get round a lost phone within 48 hours or so, but I cant ever get round Death.

One day, I will die.
When it shall be, know I not
What form it shall take, I cannot tell
But die, I surely will

One day, I will leave this world as I came in
The means of departure, I cannot yet map out
The departure time, I cannnott fathom
But then, surely I will leave

One day, no more will I be
How it occurs, I cannot predict
How it overpowers me, I cannot protest
But then, surely I will be no more

Life is a stage
Longer scene, shorter role
Shorter stage, longer part
But then life remains a stage

When I die,
When I lay still
When I no more have my time table
When I no longer see you
Do not worry about me
Do bother about your turn
Do remind yourself
That you are the next.

If ever there is absolute peace,
It is for the dead
If it is true
I look forward to it


Well, that is life. Death completes life. In my life and for us all, the focus is to be very much aware that no next minute is guaranteed but every minute survived deserves a great appreciation to WHATEVER is responsible. My prayer is that: We be mindful of death as we live life; so that whenever it comes, we will feel fulfilled to that point even though the world behind might (always) feel there is a vacuum for things we would have done.

Shalom (Peace)