Today, I have decided to make public a thought which has been going on in me for some time. And as my friends read this, I will hope they tolerate it and only discuss it (if they wish) not to counter it (hope someone understand what I mean). This thought is not one to conclude in a giffy. It is not one to cut the curtains off to reveal the stage for. It is not one that can be rushed. So the whole things means that I am in a process. And like all processes go, mostly referred to as research, or examining, mine is going through examinings. This examining is not that formal or so huge, only observations rather. Anyway, so goes it. And like i am very much aware, many of you will be very surprised to hear what it is I am in the process of doing, but by reading this bit, you wont be as much shocked as you would have been. It will work if at the end my observations prove that I should take the step. In a nutshell, I would say that this process does not interprete to mean that I MUST do it; its only a process. Most researches/observation end in decision and those decision do not turn to be the ones their researches were set up to achieve. But better still, that is the whole reason of setting up research - to make sure that the right decision(s) is/are made.
Having said that above, may I implore you to read this with open mind and never label me something yet till I come out with exactly what the observation yields. By the way, it will be very improtant to mention that this observation/research is going to take a long time. At the moment, I cannot give the actuall number or years or months, but I am sure it MIGHT take many years (in prospect).
Also may I mention that DECISIONS ARE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO CONCLUDE BUT EASY FOR ME TO TAKE.
Someone is reeling in great confusion what that means... (hahahahaaaa), dont go mad yet, I can explain; but only if you ask; meaning you dont understand it. Well....
Ok. Enough of this hopping, lets get to business. My next move is to renounce Christianity. I can see someone wondering. But yes, that is truth. Only that I am still observing and hoping my observations will support that; and if it doesnt, well. While I say this, be very much aware that it does not in any way make me a potential fellower of your own religion. The whole case is that I am hoping not to belong to any religion. It also does not make me an atheist; NO. I do and still believe that there is GOD (if you read my previous writings, you will understand what I mean by God. It is a power higher than any existence and thus human's language for it is GOD). I believe there is a hgiher power responsible for our existence and thus I do respect and worship it. But I am in the confusion about the legitimacy of all these religions. Knowing that they were created by man and man by himself. Thus I think that worshipping this God should be a thing of personal understanding and belief and not by routine of a theory made by someone as it suits them. In my life, I have come to see and understand that God deals with each person according to His (her - I dont really think God has gender, but for this context. lets retain HIM for HER) decision. He bless those who dont identify with religion and also punish them. He does same to religionIST like us too. This goes a long way to say that He is not a partial God and does not deal with us because we go to church or temple. He only handles us according to our frailty. In that light, and questioning what basis this religions sprout, I thus find it difficult to think that my onw personal understanding of God, as modest as I can make it, is wrong because one of the men who lived long ago was so wise to corner others into accepting what he thinks as the main thing. This portrays man's ever indwelling inferiority complex. Majority of men would raise their flag today for any single brave man who stands up and before you know it, it becomes a religion. If you doubt me, think of Osama bin Laden. Today he has followers most of whom are ready to die and never questioning why he dont die for that cause. Most of them havent set eyes on him nor hear his voice in real. Yet they are ready to do whatever some link said to them Osama wants. The little kids denying themselves life and blowing up everyday on the streets, in the restaurants, in buses, trains, etc; will all lay a claim to Osama one way or the other. And thus was religion. Someone wakes up somewhere and claims he has a vision, to kill or to maim, to preach peace or to cause happiness, etc and the whole crowd follows. You can find out and read about the great faction OPUS DEI in the catholic church. It was started by one man. And today, it is a great group. Had it wanted to create a stand-alone belief away from the Catholic Church, it would have successfully done so. And thus it goes on.
I do not counter any of these people and what they want. But my own case is that these men in their individuality, have a personal encounter within themselves and what they think had an effect in what they do. And so has every single individual. There is something in you that makes you differeent. No two people are the same and so no two people should have exactly the same belief. This can be understood by looking at drivers driving cars past a particular point in a road. If you are very observant, you will agree with me that the do not keep thier hands on the steering the same. But hey, the difference is almost invisible. Same goes everything.
I may sound to be justifying myself, but of course, what else am I suppose to do if not to have a justification to what I think. Relgion is good but it is too stereotyped. A situation where people think that you must give your money to certain things to be justified; a situation where people think that you must not eat certain things to be upheld; a stuation where people think that you must be at some place in a particular time to prove yourself; and so on. Those are dictatorship. It is tyranny. Whereas these God we want to worship in the pre-set style of these religion has given us freedom to sleep when we want and eat when we wish. He has given us freedom to take the sun when we want or be out of it at our own time. Yet man in his way want to dictate to each other what, when, how and where to do certain things to earn Go'd approval. The result of that today is HATE. The world is in total despair, fear, disagreement, chaos, etc because of the wish to satisfy the set style of religion. While if you think of it, you get along with anybody when you dont know their religion nor them yours. You get along with others when you are virtual friends over the internet and not knowing his or her colour, his sleeping style or her earnings. Thus purely, it is based on the fact that you both are human (equal) and while knowing that there is differences, you are still able to aid each other without rancour. But when you get to know religions, then starts the differences taking priority than the similarities. Poor life
Well, for now, that is it. I will work to be a single mind relating to God in the way He relate to me. When I pray to him with my eyes open, he still hears me the same way he listens when my eyes were closes. He does so when I kneel or stand. Even when I talk to him while taking my bath, He hears as if I was in a specially made house to call Him. He answers me when I only says a word the same way He answers when I take the whole day to talk to Him. He knows I am not perfect when I am being wicked as well as He knows my imperfection when I am doing the best charity. So HE does not really take me for what I do but for what He is - a merciful God. While respecting all the early men who by way of religion try to draw people to Him, I must also say that their fault is that of dictatorship over human kind and judging us based on their own thought of God.
Beware, I am not perfect, I am not righteous. I am as naughty as you if not worst. But then I try to be good by being good. Well.... today is sunday and unlike myself I didnt go to church, but its not because of what I have written above but just that I couldnt make it today. Adn when I dont, I dont feel so good. I am used to the church especially the choir. I like singing those songs. And if my process goes to exactly what I want, I will still support them in anyway I can because singing is my life since I was born and I find it difficult to stay away from it. It makes me happy to sing and listen to it and so, I will find it difficult to .....
So this is the BEGINNING of the process, the END, we cannot tell for now.
Your comments and criticism is very much welcomed. Cheers